The Wildest Stories from Kingdom Come 2: Delivering Mayhem and Laughter

Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 isn't just another medieval RPG; it's a masterclass in unpredictable absurdity wrapped in brutal realism. Every playthrough is a unique tapestry woven from unexpected side quests and hilarious encounters. The following tales, free of main storyline spoilers, highlight the game's wonderfully chaotic charm.

Table of Contents

• Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song
• Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern
• Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog
• Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price
• Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies
• Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

Laboring for Troubadours, Only to Receive a Terrible Song

Nestled in the heart of the map lies Želejov, a town boasting a bathhouse, fighting arena, and a lively tavern. Here reside two indolent troubadours, dreaming of Bohemian musical domination with their… "epic" songs. Their problem? A complete lack of funds, instruments, and any discernible artistic vision. Should they sing of noble ideals or beautiful women? The question remains unanswered.

Henry, ever the helpful soul, embarks on a quest to aid these aspiring musicians. This involves stealing a lute (risking arrest and reputational damage), only to have its strings snapped by the ungrateful pair, who then demand new ones made from sheep intestines. The trials continue: once the strings are ready, they reveal a debt to the innkeeper, refusing to work it off, claiming such labor is beneath their genius. After countless errands across Bohemia, they finally possess instrument, freedom, and inspiration. Their reward? A soul-crushingly dull song celebrating Henry's exploits in theft, sheep-butchery, and bag-carrying. The locals cringe; Henry facepalms. I laughed.

Rescuing an Alcoholic Hunter... and Delivering Him Straight to the Tavern

Remember those lute strings? They require the crafting skills of Vojtěch, a local hunter with a significant drinking problem. He’s found himself in a rather precarious situation: drunk, lost in the woods, and perched precariously in a tree to escape a pack of wolves. The rescue attempt, naturally, involves a fall and a leg injury.

The intended outcome: carry him back to camp, save his horse, and help him sober up. In return, Vojtěch becomes a loyal ally. But what if you ignore the plan and deliver him directly to the nearest tavern? That's precisely what I did, hauling him through forests and swamps. His reaction? Less than thrilled. He cursed my idiocy and limped away. Our next meeting? He offered the finest view behind his shack as compensation. A memorable encounter indeed.

Confronting the Polovtsians, Only to Philosophize with a Dog

In Kingdom Come, the Polovtsians are the villains, responsible for unspeakable acts. Finding them causing trouble in a tavern, my initial reaction was righteous fury. I marched towards their camp, ready for vengeance.

Instead of bloodthirsty marauders, I found friendly fellows eager to socialize. Soon, I was matchmaking, drinking, and even singing bizarre songs with them. Then, a talking dog interrupted, launching into a philosophical lecture about life's purpose. Inspired (or perhaps intoxicated), I accepted his challenge: swim across a lake. I survived, amidst fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Going Rogue as a Thief and Paying the Price

By hour 30, I was a master thief. By hour 31, Bohemia's most wanted. How? A botched heist. Disguised and looting a guard barracks, a passerby noticed me. No big deal, right? Wrong. The next morning, a guard burst in, accusing me based on witness testimony. I talked my way out of it, only realizing too late I hadn't removed my flashy accessories or washed the stench of crime from my clothes. The lesson? Attention to detail is key, even in crime.

Selling a Stolen Horse and Meeting Gypsies

Under the cloak of night, I stole a horse and headed to the gypsy camp to sell it to Mikolaj, a known buyer of stolen goods. Mikolaj, however, was asleep. Dismounting caused the horse to bolt back to its owner. I waited until dawn. Mikolaj woke, spent ten minutes eating porridge, and then finally, I made the sale. Even minor escapades become hilarious misadventures in Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2.

Why Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 Stands Out

These are just glimpses into what makes Kingdom Come: Deliverance 2 so unique. Every decision, however small, has consequences. From rescuing drunkards to philosophizing with dogs, the game delivers endless entertainment. Its commitment to realism and immersion ensures each playthrough is a memorable adventure, making it a must-play for open-world RPG fans.

Bohemia awaits!